Listening

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= = =Introduction= Communication skills are the foundation for teaching as well as for doing almost anything else in life, since we live in communities of people. In this unit, we will examine an important communication skill, listening, that pertains to relationship-intensive careers such as teaching.

=Learning Activities= Verbal communication: how does Marshall's communication styles align with the information in the power point on Active Listening (think about verbal communication and body language)? Think of a conflict you have witnessed or been a part of. Write a brief dialog as it typically happens between the people involved. Then rewrite it with one participant using giraffe ears. You can assume that only one person is using giraffe ears or you can put giraffe ears on all participants.

=Verbal Communication= Active listening is a specialized form of listening that works really well in the process of problem-solving among people. The following power point outlines the basics of active listening:

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I have used active listening in everything from crisis line counseling to dealing with difficult people. Here are two situations that stick out in my mind, which demonstrate the power of active listening.

One time there was a difficult person who used all kinds of passive aggressive actions to obstruct something with which he did not agree but which the majority of people wanted to do. He would walk out of discussions. Finally, he did agree to attend a discussion. I determined that I would try active listening because nothing else had worked. I asked him what his perspective was but as he started to talk, he was interrupted by someone else in the meeting. I let that person know that I wanted to hear what this person had to say. As he spoke, I reflected back what he was saying and asked for clarification. Amazingly, while this person did not end up agreeing with others, his entire attitude changed and he was a lot easier to communicate with.

Another time, a family in my church was having a problem. The main portion of the problem was between a mom and her two teenage girls. All three were highly verbal and their arguments typically consisted of everyone talking and no one listening. I met with the mom and one girl and decided to be a coach. I told them that the rules of this "game" were that before they could say something, they had to demonstrate their understanding of what the other person said. So, one went first and before she could finish, the other interrupted. I reminded the interrupter to listen so she could demonstrate her understanding. I had to do this a lot! And I had to remind the listener to both reflect her understanding and to ask for clarification. During every step, I had to help them avoid arguing and instead focus on what the other person was feeling. At the end of about 20 minutes, both people had listened and had been able to reflect understanding. Both people felt listened to and they could see that their needs and desires were really not that far apart. I don't know how much difference this made in the long run in this family (they moved away), however, when they did finally understand each other, I could see the light going on in their minds and they were truly moved by what the other had to say.

="Powerless Communication"= This is an interesting presentation on some effective communication strategies, including the importance of listening. media type="custom" key="23398222"

="Nonviolent Communication"= Marshall Rosenberg has developed something called "Nonviolent Communication," which is active listening on steroids. One concept that could prove valuable is the metaphor Rosenberg uses of the giraffe and the jackal. The giraffe is a peaceful herbavore with big ears while the jackal kills for its food and has much smaller ears by comparison. The implications are that when we listen to others with jackal ears, we tend to get defensive or attack the other person verbally. When we listen with giraffe ears, we are interested in understanding the needs of others so we can meet them.

Both the metaphor and the use of puppets are appropriate for use with children; the animals help children to understand the concepts and puppets are helpful in that kids can talk to puppets instead of people, which feels much less risky.

Here are a couple of videos in which Rosenberg discusses these concepts.

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="Graduate School"= Read an article by Carl Rogers, the founder of "Person-centered Therapy," where active listening skills come from:

Here is Carl Rogers himself talking about his work as a psychotherapist. Note that while the representations of active listening above are in service to problem solving, in Rogers's work as a psychotherapist, he used the listening process in a way that helped the client to figure out solutions for him or herself.

BTW, that strange piece of technology in front of Rogers is a reel to reel tape recorder, the precursor to the cassette. media type="youtube" key="WOUarpAjSxY" height="315" width="420"